Me Spiderman!
OK, maybe just Spiderman’s Apprentice who has yet to be fired but… This was the second time up the walls and there was an ever so slight adrenaline rush. I can see this as addicting though I will admit there still is this voice screaming ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!’ in my head but I as I am getting better at ignoring the voices in my head, I did like being able to tap the bar at the top. With the exception of one slip up I think I am getting the hang of it. Of course I must remember not to curse in a kid's ear as I slip off the wall. If I were Buddhist I would say I lost a bit of karma on that move, but as I am not, I do not think I am too worried. I am told I need to try the chimney now though! Hmmmm…..
I reflected on the achievement. Yes, I know it seems all very silly to consider it an achievement but I have done very little to challenge the status quo about my attitudes towards anything until recently (being the last year or so). My concern over heights has always been excessive and probably has prevented me from enjoying the ever so slight rush this morning brought. Even a small rush is one I do not think I should miss. Of course the nagging discomfort is still there as I did not exactly turn around and wave at my friends below and hearing something about something being stuck when I was at the top was a little disconcerting. Not sure what it was, but it was fixed quickly and I was on my way back down to freedom or something like that. Still, that screaming voice kept getting quieter so I will continue this exercise for as far as it can go and as long as still enjoy the Spiderman imitation.
I am not sure what other "status quo attitudes" to challenge or if I need to really go searching for them anyhow. While I will certainly say the Match.com exercise is pretty much an just an exercise, there is a method to my madness here as well. I tend to care very much how people feel about that which is around them and that would, of course, include me. I suppose I could simply turn off and play the "cocky but funny" game and though I really do not wish to insult anyone, this is just too simple and as such, I consider it below me.
I looked back on my last go through with Match.com and reflected on something interesting. The ad and most especially my responses were focused on my desires to basically "make others happy". This really is something I consider very much a character flaw because I simply cannot do that. It is their choice to be happy with their life, not mine. I am honestly not sure if the large majority of women on Match.com are unhappy and/or tend to dislike men, but these are the women I tended to end up dating the last time and they hid this well or I just did not want to see it. I wonder where my ‘Well, Duh!’ hammer was then but oh well.
This time around I do not really expect any more or any fewer responses, but I have tried very much to construct the profile as more of a this is who I am, like it or not type. Responses to ads are getting progressively more playful and silly as I go along in this experiment and I am really having a lot more fun with it. I actually do not care about getting a response back… Only that I discover how to let the playful and silly at the heart of me actually out when I initially talk to someone, even if it is in an email. Granted, I still cannot quite escape the "make people happy" as it may be more a part of my nature than I really want to admit, but it is fun trying something else for a bit.
Ugh, getting tired and I am worrying that I am just not going to make sense any further on this subject. I would like to find some way of making the above silly but hey, even I have to be reflective at times.
I reflected on the achievement. Yes, I know it seems all very silly to consider it an achievement but I have done very little to challenge the status quo about my attitudes towards anything until recently (being the last year or so). My concern over heights has always been excessive and probably has prevented me from enjoying the ever so slight rush this morning brought. Even a small rush is one I do not think I should miss. Of course the nagging discomfort is still there as I did not exactly turn around and wave at my friends below and hearing something about something being stuck when I was at the top was a little disconcerting. Not sure what it was, but it was fixed quickly and I was on my way back down to freedom or something like that. Still, that screaming voice kept getting quieter so I will continue this exercise for as far as it can go and as long as still enjoy the Spiderman imitation.
I am not sure what other "status quo attitudes" to challenge or if I need to really go searching for them anyhow. While I will certainly say the Match.com exercise is pretty much an just an exercise, there is a method to my madness here as well. I tend to care very much how people feel about that which is around them and that would, of course, include me. I suppose I could simply turn off and play the "cocky but funny" game and though I really do not wish to insult anyone, this is just too simple and as such, I consider it below me.
I looked back on my last go through with Match.com and reflected on something interesting. The ad and most especially my responses were focused on my desires to basically "make others happy". This really is something I consider very much a character flaw because I simply cannot do that. It is their choice to be happy with their life, not mine. I am honestly not sure if the large majority of women on Match.com are unhappy and/or tend to dislike men, but these are the women I tended to end up dating the last time and they hid this well or I just did not want to see it. I wonder where my ‘Well, Duh!’ hammer was then but oh well.
This time around I do not really expect any more or any fewer responses, but I have tried very much to construct the profile as more of a this is who I am, like it or not type. Responses to ads are getting progressively more playful and silly as I go along in this experiment and I am really having a lot more fun with it. I actually do not care about getting a response back… Only that I discover how to let the playful and silly at the heart of me actually out when I initially talk to someone, even if it is in an email. Granted, I still cannot quite escape the "make people happy" as it may be more a part of my nature than I really want to admit, but it is fun trying something else for a bit.
Ugh, getting tired and I am worrying that I am just not going to make sense any further on this subject. I would like to find some way of making the above silly but hey, even I have to be reflective at times.
Thunder Stamped by DragonStormInAZ @ 11:58 PM
2 Pennies for My Thoughts:
At 8:19 AM,
Sascha said…
I think you're on to something with the playful responses. If you can let your sense of humor shine through, we are very attracted to that sort of thing.
The best way to deal with your "caregiver" desires is to embrace them but don't let them make you weak or blind. We like to be spoiled occasionally but sometimes, if you're too willing to overlook our bad points or let us take advantage of you, that starts to have the scent of desperation. We can smell that one a mile off, even if that's not what you're trying to give off.
A lot of women with strong personalities like to test men/push boundaries and see how far they can go. They aren't going to respect you for accomodating them.
I used to have issues with this. Then I figured out what was going on and just learned to say "no" to men who wanted to coddle or care for me. I can usually spot that kind of personality and, while they make great friends, my personality is too overwhelming to date them.
Did any of that make sense?
At 9:18 AM,
DragonStormInAZ said…
DC,
Perfect sense actually. I feel like an enigma quite a bit on this and that is at least part of the reason for the reflection. Strange that this blog thing has gotten me to think a little more than expected. I have a number of friends with blogs but I never did think to create one myself until after the cruise. I am glad I did though I am admittedly still at least partially afraid to say things I really would regret. Wine has its disadvantages. :)
It is funny how thoughts appear clearer when put to type anyhow.
The fear of the "caregiver" weaknesses you mentioned are often the reason I tend to have actually avoided dating too much. It will probably always be there, though I am seeing it beneficial to not focus on it, let it be and let the rest of me be as well. The enigma part if me is that I am very much attracted to imagination and creativity (more so than the concept of intelligence though I have yet to find a dimwit with an imagination anyhow), but to coddle such a thing often destroys it in my mind at least, whereas playfulness seems to enhance it. I think for the most part my caregiver side, my adventureous side, my comfort seeking side, my playful side, my serious side, etc. are just not quite balanced yet. I find it easy to tell myself I should have figured this out long ago, but on the other hand, better late than never. Besides I am starting to enjoy trying to become balanced although that sounds almost hilarious to say. I suspect for whatever reason it shows a bit to the outside world as I ended up with several numbers over the weekend without doing the asking. Although, they were women who were very much at different places in their lives than I am, it was still very flattering as that is hardly common. Granted, I could have just been on some strange lucky streak. :) They may turn out to be a few good wine tasting buds though. I am pretty sure I can never have enough of that.
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