He Who Dies With the Most Toys Wins!

Hmmmm... I wonder what it is they win. A cupie doll perhaps?
Win or not, they are still dead and though this is always considered a joke, it always seems as if this is how life is anyhow. I have been quiet for quite some time simply thinking, mostly about this concept of winning and how it applies to me. Realistically, I should be happy, if not ecstatic about my life. I am paid very very well, have the opportunity to enjoy most anything I could ever imagine, and enjoy it with wonderful people, but still I feel less than satisfied with pretty much everything. After watching the crowds in Las Vegas over July 4th, some pretending to be far more than they were, some on the brink of disaster but hiding it as best they can, and others just lost in false hope, I came back with the question on my mind 'What is winning and what am I trying to win anyhow?'. I have been to Vegas many many times and always see this (as I am sure most do) but for some reason it affected me much more this time.

So where am I now? Everywhere and nowhere it seems. There does not really seem to be a clear answer to what this winning thing is, only that I really do not want to do it anymore at least in the way I see it considered in the world outside little ole' me. I consider myself quite successful in most respects so winning is not the issue anymore. For the longest time I have been talking myself in and out of a nice convertible toy sports car that I have a hard time admitting would only be for appearance anyhow. I have been up for promotion for years only to have a company buyout, company reorganization, or basic corporate politics delay it. In the mean time, I have enjoyed nice vacations, wonderful wines, good friends to share it with and moments like this to reflect on life, the universe and everything. I still do not know what winning is, but I think I have gotten more than just a cupie doll out of life anyhow.

I saw "The Island" last night and though it was typical Hollywood in its limited creativity and overzealous product placement, I did find the correlations to my current state of thoughts. Winning the lottery, as evident by the trailers, is something that you do NOT want to do, even though it is seen by the participants as paradise. Questioning this allowed for a sense of escape for those trapped by this illusion. Though just general Hollywood mumbo jumbo, I wonder how much of this mirrors reality. I have gotten myself lost in questions and philosophy, not necessarily to find any particular answers, but to discover what really are the goals, desires, wants and needs of my spirit and very soul, rather than what it is in myself that may make the world happy. This is seemingly nearly impossible for me but needs to be done from my view is required for sanity and a life that truly has a sense of meaning.

The jury is still out on my fortitude regarding this but perhaps I will at least post more now that my thoughts are flowing in some direction again. At the very least, it will give you something to read so you can stop pestering me as far as how quiet I have been. Thanks for the pestering, BTW, as it is nice to know I am loved!

So now step right up and try your luck..... A winner every time, folks!

Cheers!